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Not Enough Home Cooking

Alma Gill | 12/4/2013, 5:24 p.m.
Dear Alma: Over my long Thanksgiving weekend, everywhere I went I encountered my married brothas complaining about the same thing ...

Dear Alma,

Over my long Thanksgiving weekend, everywhere I went I encountered my married brothas complaining about the same thing – wives not wanting or initiating sex. It was as much a constant as football and turkey. These are good men, Alma. They want to do the right thing. But some feel trapped. They can be faithful and celibate or they can creep. And yes, some have already strayed. (One married friend told of an encounter he had with his girlfriend inside a bathroom that made our hair stand on end.) We all agreed that our wives would never do something so…so…so…so damned sexy and daring. Tell me, Alma. Why do wives avoid sex with their husbands (when the girlfriends can’t seem to get enough)? And don’t give me that lame excuse about wives having to work on their jobs then come home to do housework and homework. Most of my friends share equally in housekeeping and child-rearing duties. Simply put, if a wife won’t “cook” for her man at home, shouldn’t she expect him to occasionally eat out?

Signed, A Real Bro

Dear A Real Bro,

You’re kidding, right?

Aaaahhh, no. You are not allowed to switch to fast food after you’ve committed to a fine dining establishment.

Since this is the holiday season, I think it’s high time I address this issue and let you guys in on a “cooking” secret. Hear me when I say this: A thoroughly basted turkey turns out moist and tender every time.

Are you feeling me?

Let me break it down. In the beginning, you really don’t have to do much to get the gravy going. But once you’ve had your favorite holiday dish year after year, we all know what to expect.

You need to spice that sucker up just a little every now and again. Add a little more hot sauce here and a little less mustard there. It just depends on the occasion.

Give the turkey in your kitchen all the attention it deserves. You don’t need to take that extra effort outside your home, ‘cause either way you’re putting out effort. Why not display all your extra trimmings where it feeds and nurtures your commitment?

Reach into the cabinet and take out everything you got. While you’re waiting for the oven to get hot, delicately rub and pat down your turkey. Please tell me you pulled it out of the freezer this morning and you’ve given it appropriate time and assistance to thaw. Add all the ingredients necessary. Don’t be shy; good cooks make sure they get all up in those nooks and crannies. That’s the old-skool way; you’ve got to put your foot in it. LOL.

Once you’ve seasoned that bad boy to the best of your ability, trust me, it’s ready to roast. (And the specials of the week will make you blush!)

Alma