How "Love" From Well-Meaning Parents can raise monster children?
1/22/2014, 11:50 p.m.
Megan C is a mother of 3 daughters and she has always wanted to give her children the very best.
She and her husband have a modest family background and both of them worked hard to provide for education for their 3 daughters.
"I have thought that I am actually loving my children by giving them what they want. Other than schooling, I ask very little of them." said Megan.
Megan found something extremely wrong after a while when her communications with her daughter became rough. She would come home and saw her kids sitting in front of television, and when asking them to stop watching TV, she would get swear words thrown back at her.
And whatever she tried to say to her children, she would get the most disrespectful behavior to the degree that she felt like a lowly servant to her kids.
"They are not horrible children. But I do not know what went wrong." Megan said.
Relationship expert and bestselling author Hellen Chen has helped couples and families to solve conflicts in the area of relationships. Megan sought Chen's help in finding out what went wrong at her own household.
"Both Megan and her husband have the simple goal of providing for their children with education and material comfort. But they are missing a huge part of raising children and thus they managed to raise spoiled irresponsible kids instead, and worst of all, their children do not feel their love at all." said Chen
Indeed, Megan confessed that her children would be so depending on her for the simplest tasks and yet between daughters and mom, they could not have deep conversations about anything.
In a magazine interview on parenting, Chen talks about one of the biggest mistakes well-meaning parents commit to raise irresponsible kids. She called it the "all-you-need-to-do-is-study" concept conveyed by parents to their children.
Chen cited parents who want their children to focus only in education teach the children not to care for other aspects of their responsibilities.
"So a child graduated from a good college. But he or she has no skills to have friends or carry a lasting relationship or start a family. Or be responsible at a job. The truth is, if those skills are not learned from very young, that child will pay the price when they reach adulthood." said Chen.
"It is no coincidence that when you look at someone who fail in their marriage, they have missing education in social responsibilities from young. A parent who trained the child to only look at academic accomplishments as his or her responsibility is telling the child that life is all about getting a degree. You set the stage for that child to fail miserably in life." Chen added.
When asked about the high divorce trends in the US and in Asia, Chen related part of the problem to the education at home from 'well-meaning' parents.
Chen has written 22 books on the subject of relationships, marriage, parenting and personal accomplishments. Her latest book "Hellen Chen's Love Seminar" which highlighted the concepts of how one can have a happy relationship became the #1 marriage and relationship book in US.
"If we are raising our children to only think about themselves, do not then be surprised that child grows up to be a man or woman that only asks for 'how could you make ME happy?'"