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Ask Alma: I hooked up with a loser, now I’m pregnant

Alma Gill | 1/3/2017, noon
Dear Alma, I have made the mistake of a lifetime and I just don’t know how to get over it. ...

Dear Alma,

I have made the mistake of a lifetime and I just don’t know how to get over it. I was out with friends, met a guy at the club and we hooked up. He was never anyone I’d ever want to get in a relationship with. He didn’t have a steady job and was still living with his mom. He is cute, but doesn’t have anything going on right now. I recently found out I was pregnant. Yep, I’m having a girl. I sent him a text for us to meet, so I could tell him, but he didn’t show up. I called and we talked and decided to meet. AGAIN, he didn’t show up. I have my own job and my own place. I don’t know why he won’t step up and take responsibility. He won’t even answer my text messages anymore or answer the phone. I don’t understand how he could act this way, when I meet all the requirements of being a good woman; he is just throwing it all away. I could go back to the club and see him. I know where he hangs out. How in the world can I raise my baby by myself? Alma, what can I do to get him to do the right thing?

Signed,

One-Time Hookup, Lifetime Responsibility

Dear One-Time,

Stop blaming him for your baby blunder. That’s right, I said it. He wasn’t “good father” material when you met him. What were you thinking, if you watched “Daddy’s Girls” and clicked your heels three times, things would work in your favor? You put yourself in a position to become a single mom, so rise above the foolishness and handle your business. Do what you gotta do to build a home for you and your daughter. Plan, budget, save. You can do it.

Stop depending on someone, who isn’t dependable. Stop reaching to rely on someone, who is not reliable. Stop reacting to someone, who is not dealing with the reality of having a child. I could see if he had a job, could pass a drug test and scheduled regular yearly teeth cleanings, but that’s not who you’re dealing with. The truth of the matter is, you don’t even know this guy.

Your daughter is a blessing, so act like it. This sweet baby can’t make your one-nighter all of a sudden become mature, love or want to be with you, so remove her from that role. It won’t be easy cause life ain’t easy but your days can be full of love and laughter. Why don’t you focus and commit yourself to being the best mother you can be. This isn’t the end Sweet Pea, it’s the beginning. The beginning of a new love called parenting. Give her the amazing future she deserves and, in turn, she’ll be the motivation you need to be the greatest you can be. Why don’t you chose to make the rest of your life the absolute best of your life. I know you can do it!

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com.