Sensible advice from Alma Gill.
Dear Alma, One of your recent columns, reminded me of my situation, so, I decided to contact you. I am a military wife and I love my husband. We’ve been happily married for three years. He takes good care of us and is strict with our budget. He makes sure everything is covered and written down and by the 3rd of the month all of our bills are paid. He deployed eight months ago, and of course before he left, he gave me strict instructions to follow regarding our money and the budget, which I have tried to stick with. Since, I have a job and I contribute to our household and I have money left over, as well, I decided to buy a new car. When my husband and I spoke on FaceTime and talked about buying a new car, he was totally against it and thought our old car was good enough. I totally disagreed, so I bought a new car anyway and I love it. He'll be home next month and I don't know what to do. How do I tell him, we have a new car? Signed, New Car, Old Husband Dear New Car,
Dear Alma, My wife is vicious with a capital “V!” We were married for eight years and over that time had two sons. She did everything imaginable. She lied to me, stole from me and manipulated me. Here are a few examples. She stole money from her employer, lied to her family and said I was abusing her. She also had several affairs and called the police and tried to have me arrested under false pretenses. It was absolutely insane. Finally, she walked out on us and I raised my two boys alone. Both are young men now 21 and 23. I never remarried, just worked hard and devoted my time to my boys. Luckily my sister and my mom helped out and the boys are very well rounded and doing just fine. I can’t say that however about my ex. She continued her shenanigans and ended up in and out of jail. She just recently resurfaced and isn’t doing well. She has AIDS and is asking my son to help her out. He just finished college and is barely making it on his own. He’s determined to help his mom and, from what his brother tells me, is giving her $200 a month. You know what that means? He’s short every month and I’m have to replenish that $200 so that he can make ends meet. Which means I’m giving the woman who took me through Hell money every month. I’m pissed and don’t think I can take it much longer. I don’t want to alienate my son, but how do I let him know he is not in a position to help his mother and that he needs to back off and let this go? Signed, What Goes Around Dear What Goes Around,
Dear Alma, I work with a woman who came to work and said her sister died. She didn’t have enough time off so I and another woman donated time to her so she could take off for the funeral and still be paid. To make this long story short, I have a friend of a friend who’s her friend and she said she doesn’t even have a sister. I can’t believe she lied about something like that. I think she should be fired, because she’s a liar. I’m not sure how to bring it to the attention of her supervisor. I told my co-worker, who also volunteered time and she is mad too, but she doesn’t want to tell on her. She said maybe she’s having some problems. I think we all have problems but we shouldn’t make up lies about the death of loved ones. I cannot stand to work with her or see her face, because she can’t be trusted. What do you think I should do? Should I contact Human Resources or tell her boss directly? Signed, No Good Deed
Dear Alma, I have made the mistake of a lifetime and I just don’t know how to get over it. I was out with friends, met a guy at the club and we hooked up. He was never anyone I’d ever want to get in a relationship with. He didn’t have a steady job and was still living with his mom. He is cute, but doesn’t have anything going on right now. I recently found out I was pregnant. Yep, I’m having a girl. I sent him a text for us to meet, so I could tell him, but he didn’t show up. I called and we talked and decided to meet. AGAIN, he didn’t show up. I have my own job and my own place. I don’t know why he won’t step up and take responsibility. He won’t even answer my text messages anymore or answer the phone. I don’t understand how he could act this way, when I meet all the requirements of being a good woman; he is just throwing it all away. I could go back to the club and see him. I know where he hangs out. How in the world can I raise my baby by myself? Alma, what can I do to get him to do the right thing? Signed, One-Time Hookup, Lifetime Responsibility Dear One-Time,
Dear Alma, I would like to know how to comfort a close friend who has a cheating spouse. My friend, who has been faithful, has distanced herself from the relationship because of the cheating, but doesn’t want to rip the family apart due to her spouse’s infidelity. I would like to know how to comfort my faithful friend, although she knows the relationship includes another woman. Signed, A Loyal Friend Dear Loyal Friend, What a great friend you are, and here’s how to be an even better one: Just listen and keep it to yourself.
Dear Alma, Alma, I’m wondering what’s going on with Kanye West? Do you think there are some underlying reasons why he’s suffering from ‘exhaustion’ and cancelling his shows? I am a huge fan and I made sure to see him anytime he was within 100 miles from where I live. As a super fan, I mean from way back to the “College Dropout” days, I am seriously worried about him and was wondering what your take is? Signed, Missing the Old Kanye Dear Missing Kanye,
Dear Alma, I’ve been married for six years and I love my husband so much. We met when he was in the Navy. The last year that he was in, I got pregnant, so we agreed it would be best to move close to my family and I was very happy about that. He is a good provider and takes care of me and our daughter. Here’s the thing, my husband takes a trip with his best friend who is still in the Navy every year. It’s just the two of them, not the extended family. My sister said that is strange for two men to go on trips together. She said that I need to find out what’s going on and make sure he’s not on “the down low.” What do you think? Signed, Home Alone Wife Dear Home Alone Wife,
Dear Alma, A couple of months ago a real friendly woman moved into the condo across the hall. She and I hit it off right away. We went shopping and to lunch together. We even went to a music concert and had a real fun time, or so I thought. All of a sudden, she just stopped calling, texting, visiting and really just being my friend. I don’t know what happen. We still speak. She’ll give me a big wave across the parking lot or when I see her in the hall, she seems
My wife and I divorced after 38 years of marriage. I still don’t understand why, I want to work it out, but she does not. I had intended on spending the rest of my life with her and now that won’t happen. We had our up and downs, but overall I thought we had a solid commitment and happy marriage. I was happy. She said that she was not and that I never listened to her. She also gave many other reasons that I don’t think are true or care to discuss. Sometimes I feel like my life is over. I have listened to all her lies