Sensible advice from Alma Gill.
Dear Alma, One of your recent columns, reminded me of my situation, so, I decided to contact you. I am a military wife and I love my husband. We’ve been happily married for three years. He takes good care of us and is strict with our budget. He makes sure everything is covered and written down and by the 3rd of the month all of our bills are paid. He deployed eight months ago, and of course before he left, he gave me strict instructions to follow regarding our money and the budget, which I have tried to stick with. Since, I have a job and I contribute to our household and I have money left over, as well, I decided to buy a new car. When my husband and I spoke on FaceTime and talked about buying a new car, he was totally against it and thought our old car was good enough. I totally disagreed, so I bought a new car anyway and I love it. He'll be home next month and I don't know what to do. How do I tell him, we have a new car? Signed, New Car, Old Husband Dear New Car,
Dear Alma, My wife is vicious with a capital “V!” We were married for eight years and over that time had two sons. She did everything imaginable. She lied to me, stole from me and manipulated me. Here are a few examples. She stole money from her employer, lied to her family and said I was abusing her. She also had several affairs and called the police and tried to have me arrested under false pretenses. It was absolutely insane. Finally, she walked out on us and I raised my two boys alone. Both are young men now 21 and 23. I never remarried, just worked hard and devoted my time to my boys. Luckily my sister and my mom helped out and the boys are very well rounded and doing just fine. I can’t say that however about my ex. She continued her shenanigans and ended up in and out of jail. She just recently resurfaced and isn’t doing well. She has AIDS and is asking my son to help her out. He just finished college and is barely making it on his own. He’s determined to help his mom and, from what his brother tells me, is giving her $200 a month. You know what that means? He’s short every month and I’m have to replenish that $200 so that he can make ends meet. Which means I’m giving the woman who took me through Hell money every month. I’m pissed and don’t think I can take it much longer. I don’t want to alienate my son, but how do I let him know he is not in a position to help his mother and that he needs to back off and let this go? Signed, What Goes Around Dear What Goes Around,
Dear Alma, I work with a woman who came to work and said her sister died. She didn’t have enough time off so I and another woman donated time to her so she could take off for the funeral and still be paid. To make this long story short, I have a friend of a friend who’s her friend and she said she doesn’t even have a sister. I can’t believe she lied about something like that. I think she should be fired, because she’s a liar. I’m not sure how to bring it to the attention of her supervisor. I told my co-worker, who also volunteered time and she is mad too, but she doesn’t want to tell on her. She said maybe she’s having some problems. I think we all have problems but we shouldn’t make up lies about the death of loved ones. I cannot stand to work with her or see her face, because she can’t be trusted. What do you think I should do? Should I contact Human Resources or tell her boss directly? Signed, No Good Deed
Dear Alma, I have made the mistake of a lifetime and I just don’t know how to get over it. I was out with friends, met a guy at the club and we hooked up. He was never anyone I’d ever want to get in a relationship with. He didn’t have a steady job and was still living with his mom. He is cute, but doesn’t have anything going on right now. I recently found out I was pregnant. Yep, I’m having a girl. I sent him a text for us to meet, so I could tell him, but he didn’t show up. I called and we talked and decided to meet. AGAIN, he didn’t show up. I have my own job and my own place. I don’t know why he won’t step up and take responsibility. He won’t even answer my text messages anymore or answer the phone. I don’t understand how he could act this way, when I meet all the requirements of being a good woman; he is just throwing it all away. I could go back to the club and see him. I know where he hangs out. How in the world can I raise my baby by myself? Alma, what can I do to get him to do the right thing? Signed, One-Time Hookup, Lifetime Responsibility Dear One-Time,
Dear Alma, I would like to know how to comfort a close friend who has a cheating spouse. My friend, who has been faithful, has distanced herself from the relationship because of the cheating, but doesn’t want to rip the family apart due to her spouse’s infidelity. I would like to know how to comfort my faithful friend, although she knows the relationship includes another woman. Signed, A Loyal Friend Dear Loyal Friend, What a great friend you are, and here’s how to be an even better one: Just listen and keep it to yourself.
Dear Alma, Alma, I’m wondering what’s going on with Kanye West? Do you think there are some underlying reasons why he’s suffering from ‘exhaustion’ and cancelling his shows? I am a huge fan and I made sure to see him anytime he was within 100 miles from where I live. As a super fan, I mean from way back to the “College Dropout” days, I am seriously worried about him and was wondering what your take is? Signed, Missing the Old Kanye Dear Missing Kanye,
Dear Alma, I’ve been married for six years and I love my husband so much. We met when he was in the Navy. The last year that he was in, I got pregnant, so we agreed it would be best to move close to my family and I was very happy about that. He is a good provider and takes care of me and our daughter. Here’s the thing, my husband takes a trip with his best friend who is still in the Navy every year. It’s just the two of them, not the extended family. My sister said that is strange for two men to go on trips together. She said that I need to find out what’s going on and make sure he’s not on “the down low.” What do you think? Signed, Home Alone Wife Dear Home Alone Wife,
Dear Alma, A couple of months ago a real friendly woman moved into the condo across the hall. She and I hit it off right away. We went shopping and to lunch together. We even went to a music concert and had a real fun time, or so I thought. All of a sudden, she just stopped calling, texting, visiting and really just being my friend. I don’t know what happen. We still speak. She’ll give me a big wave across the parking lot or when I see her in the hall, she seems
My wife and I divorced after 38 years of marriage. I still don’t understand why, I want to work it out, but she does not. I had intended on spending the rest of my life with her and now that won’t happen. We had our up and downs, but overall I thought we had a solid commitment and happy marriage. I was happy. She said that she was not and that I never listened to her. She also gave many other reasons that I don’t think are true or care to discuss. Sometimes I feel like my life is over. I have listened to all her lies
By Alma Gill Dear Alma, I need advice about a terrible family situation that involves me and all of my siblings, and it’s breaking us apart. I am one of nine children. We were all born and raised in the South. My parents farmed their land and taught us how to do it, too. We never liked it and couldn’t wait to leave, go up North and go to college. We all attended various colleges and universities and never returned home…all but one of my brothers. He stayed in North Carolina and helped my parents until they died. After they died he moved into the house on the property and has been living there ever since. He has kept up the property and paid the taxes on it. Now, my brothers and sisters want to sell the farmland and split the money. My brother who stayed says the house should be his and he doesn’t want to sell it. We are totally divided. Six of my siblings have decided to take my brother to court and force him to sell the land. He says we shouldn’t sell, and I don’t care either way. We’re all in our 60s, distinguished folks with profitable careers. We’re active in our respected churches and ready to retire if not already retired. I love my family, and if you met us, you’d never believe what’s going on behind closed doors. I don’t understand why we can’t talk to each other and just get along. I want us to settle this before one of us dies and we never get to resolve the issue. What can I do? Signed, Divided Family
Dear Alma, My 59-year-old father may have conceived a child with his 28-year-old girlfriend. I say “may” because his girlfriend sleeps around, and everybody in town knows it.
Dear Alma, Hi Alma. My name is K. I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 4 years. He works but doesn’t make enough to help me. He makes up for it though in EVERY OTHER AREA, and he’s also a little controlling.
Dear Alma, I was married for 12 years. I raised our son and his twin daughters from his first marriage. When we separated and divorced I was heartbroken. But all the children remained with me.
Dear Alma, I think my nephew is gay. I would even go so far as to say I know that he is gay. I don’t know why my sister, or his father or sisters and brothers can’t see it. This boy is gay and it’s time for him to come “out” and tell the truth.
Over my long Thanksgiving weekend, everywhere I went I encountered my married brothas complaining about the same thing – wives not wanting or initiating sex. It was as much a constant as football and turkey.
Hi Alma – I’m divorcing my husband of 24 years. (The ink is just about dry) We have been apart for the last 3 years. I’m new to dating again.
Dear Alma, I'm so embarrassed. I feel just terrible. My cousin who still lives in the old neighborhood where we grew up asked me to help out with a wedding.
My husband was married very young, from the age of 20-22. The marriage was a disaster and they divorced without having a conversation or even seeing each other in court.
Dear Alma, I can’t stand my niece and it’s my sister’s fault. She made her daughter this way. Since the day her daughter was born, my sister has kissed the ground she walks on.
Dear Alma, I am the oldest of my mother’s children and have taken care of our family for most of my life. My mother started having children early, was married and divorced several times and has really made a mess of our family.
Dear Alma, My neighbor and I have been friends for three years. I relocated from out of town, so it was a relief when we hit it off and started a wonderful friendship.
Dear Alma, My wife is vicious with a capital V! We were married for 8 years and over that time had two sons. She did everything imaginable. She lied, stole, manipulated.
This is a question about my best friend. He and I have been best friends forever and we are just that – friends. I’m a woman and he’s a man, but, never at anytime did we think it would be anything else. So I guess you could say it’s like we’re brother and sister.
Dear Alma, I have a friend and we’ve known each other most of our lives. We’ve spent many years together going on family vacations, dealing with marriages and divorce.
Dear Alma, About six months ago, my sister moved back to our hometown with her daughter, who is 10 years old. They don’t live that far from me, its walking distance.
Dear Alma, My best friend and college roommate grew up without her mother. She was raised by her father and they had a very close relationship.
My boyfriend left me to be with another woman. It wasn’t the first time he’s cheated, but it is the first time he moved out.
I have been with this person for six years, and we’ve had our up and downs, like any relationship. We are living apart but he still wants us to keep our friendship. I don’t, because he needs to get himself together financially and mentally.
Dear Alma, I was married to my wife for 11 years. During that time we had three children, one daughter and two sons. In my opinion, our relationship deteriorated so my wife and I divorced because I had an affair. I have since married that woman and we have two children together, two sons. We are very happy and she’s always had a close relationship with my older children. But understandably, not my wife. My oldest, a daughter is getting married this year.
Dear Alma, My sister and I are very close. We’re only three years apart. Although not roommates, we do everything together. She’s a free spirit, college professor and lives well. I am a government employee that has a secret clearance and I too make a good living.
My Niece Didn’t Invite Me to Her Wedding Dear Alma, I have never been this shocked and pissed all at the same time. My niece must be trippin! She has got to be crazy! I just received a group email of pictures of her wedding with a note that says here are the pictures from my wedding.
My 59-year-old father may have conceived a child with his 28-year-old girlfriend. I say “may” because his girlfriend sleeps around, and everybody in town knows it. My father is raising this child as his own.
I’m getting married in two months and the mother of his children is giving me hell. One day she says the kids (ages 6 and 12) can be in the wedding and the next day she says no. His son who’s six is our ring bearer and his daughter who’s 12 is a junior bride’s maid.
I think I know what I’m going to do but I’m curious as to what you think about my situation. My husband and I were married for eight years. We have three boys. We are now divorced. He gets them almost every weekend and is very active in their lives.
I love my wife and we have a great marriage. She’s beautiful, funny, spontaneous and easy to get along with. I can handle her good and her bad except for one thing.
I’m a single mother supporting my three children with no help from my ex-husband. I am thankful to have a great job that I like very much. I referred my BFF’s husband to the company who has since become a regular employee and he is very happy here as well.
I’m friends with my next door neighbor. She’s not my BFF, but we hang from time to time. Her husband is in the military and she doesn’t have family in the area.
My husband cannot let things go – he holds grudges for way longer than the offense is worth. He brings up things that happened months/years ago to remind me of what he says are my faults. It’s not just me; he gives his sister grief for dropping him when he was one and she was three.
Dear Alma, A friend of mine is engaged to her fiancé of 4 years, she recently found out that her fiancé has a child that he never told her about or talked about.
Dear Alma, I love my husband. We’ve been married for 19 years. About 10 years ago we were about to get divorced.
Dear Alma, A colleague has invited me to her bridal shower, but so far I’ve received no invitation to the wedding.
Dear Alma, My frat brother is getting married. We graduated over 15 years ago and so much has happened since then.
Dear Alma, Recently a woman joined our church and has joined the choir. She relocated from out of town, so none of us have a longtime relationship with her.
Dear Alma, My husband and I have been faithful servants in our church for over 20 years. I am on the Usher Board, Woman’s Day committee and we participate in the Married Couples Ministry (MCM). My husband, too, is very committed to the MCM and he also serves as head of the Finance Committee.
I have been best friends with the same person for the past 10 years. We always got along and never got into any major arguments.
Dear Alma, I cannot speak to my brother and I don’t know if I ever will again. The night our Dad died I called him to tell him and asked him to meet me at my Mom’s house.
The guest was a police officer, but the host didn't like having a weapon in her home. What to do?
Dear Alma, This may be a silly story, but I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been dating about six years now. We’ve had our ups and downs and all, but this by far has been the worst I’ve ever felt. He cheated on me with my BFF.
Dear Alma, I met a great guy online. We talked for a long time before we met and really got a chance to know each other.